The 90’s called. They want their catch phrases back.

It's not on like donkey kong and they're not all that and a bag of potato chips and no, you're not king of the world.

Cosmopolitan and me.

Cosmo magazine doesn't have too much to offer me anymore. The fashion tips aren't new, the horoscopes not true, and the quizzes are kind of a bore. However, I still find myself reading their relationship advice. It's usually the same old story. Cosmo tells you what to do in bed to keep your man happy. Cosmo tells you what to say afterwards to make sure there will be another trip to the bedroom. Blah, blah, boring. But I must say, that in this months issue, I got a pleasant surprise.

Their article on "The 50 best relationships tips ever" made me giggle, cringe, and then had me nodding in approval. #48 said "If you do slip up and cheat, think very hard before you confess. Sometimes coming clean does more harm than good."

I know this could spark up some moral issues or "feelings" from the ladies, but I must say that I agree. Cosmo and me are on the same wavelength. We get each other, you know? Not that I condone cheating, but nobody's perfect. And as the old saying goes, what you don't know can't hurt you.

When it comes to yogurt, how much is too much?

This isn't a post as much as it is a real question. And I don't have the answer.

100% Genuine All Purpose Spray

Cleaning under the sink one day, I came across a green can of All purpose spray. The can, my friends, is not your average can, and it certainly lives up to it's words of being all purpose.

It reads...and I quote...

100% All Purpose Genuine Spray

Dominating. (Photo: Woman yelling at a man on his knees who is begging for mercy. The woman has lasers coming out of her eyes.)
Conqueror. (Photo: A king, minus the lasers.)
Fast Luck. (Photo: A car driving into a cornucopia, of course.)
Protection. (Photo: a sword. That photo was sort of lame.)
Divine Eye. (An eye. It doesn't appear too divine.)
Money Drawing. (A bag of coins and a stack of dollar bills, all being "drawn" - get it? get it? - to a magnet.)
Peace. (A dove flying near a house).

I'll give you a moment to take this all in.


So I'm thinking that I've just found a can of all purpose spray that will be life changing. I'm also thinking that it's probably from the 1950's, or from Japan, or something. But no. It comes from the year 2004, from the good ol' USA.

So I sprayed it, and of course it stunk up the room. For some reason I thought a dove would come in through my window with a bag of money and then I would take that money and conquer the world. Instead I found only one truth from the 7 items the can promised it would bring. This would be the photo of the woman shooting laser beams out of her eye which hits a man begging for mercy. Because I'd be begging for mercy too if someone sprayed this in my presence.

As the days went on, I discovered it does serve a greater purpose. It's a great conversation starter.

Do I like you, or do I just like your face?

Do you ever find yourself checking out a guy and thinking "my, you are handsome-and-then-some", but then find that the double-take ruins it?

Maybe it's the double-take itself that rattles the brain, but I have another theory.

My roommate and I were watching a video of a friends band recently and found ourselves staring at two guys in the video - both bearded, both musicians. "What a double-whammy of manliness" we were thinking.

Then we turned to eachother, partly because we were thinking that we wanted to go for the same guy (again - which is a huge mistake and probably a good idea for another post), and partly because we were questioning our taste.

But the real question we found ourself asking in unison was...

Were they really good looking, or were we just blinded by the beard?

Speaking of facial hair...

The days of baby-faced boys are numbered.

Guys just look good with beards. There’s something about the manly ruggedness that a face full of hair brings to the table. Think about it ladies. Even the average (or the not-so-average-Joe) can be walking down the street, and might get a quick glance. But the moment Joe becomes Bearded Joe, that glance turns into a double-take from the ladies, and a nod of approval from the gents.
Take that Zac Efron. Beards are back. Just like plaid. And it’s a fact.

Speaking of facial hair. I have to give props to one young chap I saw on the weekend. You get five mustache twirls out of five. (I may be feeling generous today, but that was one generous mustach-eo).


Note: To all tween / pre-pubescent young men.
If some reason any pre-pubescent boys are reading this (you never know with the internet these days), please don't attempt facial hair. You are not men…yet. Those little top-lip stashes aren’t going to win over the ladies. Kool-aid stashes are more age appropriate.

The top 4 ways to put the “fun” back in “work”.

This is a list that diverts from the regular "let's look at freakin' hilarious youtube videos and email them all around work".  While youtube is a great time waster, (and a great way for your co-workers to see how hilarious you really are), let's take a look at a few other ways to keep you entertained without the use of www.

1.  Water's for sissies.

See how many cups of coffee you can drink before lunch.  Have lunch.  Repeat.  Pretty soon it'll be 5pm and you can see how long it takes for you to run home.  My guess is it won't take long at all.  

2. "May I paint you?"

Got a cubicle?  Share an office? Have a mirror? Drawing others is a great way to keep yourself occupied and can be done very inconspicuously. (Remember the mirror I mentioned?)  And it's a way to get your office crush into those outfits you know they wear on weekends.  Seriously John - I know.

#3.  Staring Contest.

Start a staring contest with someone, but don't tell him or her.  When they turn to look at you and blink, or loose - yell "I win".  You'll have everyone nervously chuckling in no time.  Whether they're laughing at you, or with you - they're laughing.  Just remember that.

#4.  Write lists.

Write lists - hey - write a list of ways to stay entertained at work!  Just kidding.  

This wasn't all that fun.