Cleaning under the sink one day, I came across a green can of All purpose spray. The can, my friends, is not your average can, and it certainly lives up to it's words of being all purpose.
It reads...and I quote...
100% All Purpose Genuine Spray
Dominating. (Photo: Woman yelling at a man on his knees who is begging for mercy. The woman has lasers coming out of her eyes.)
Conqueror. (Photo: A king, minus the lasers.)
Fast Luck. (Photo: A car driving into a cornucopia, of course.)
Protection. (Photo: a sword. That photo was sort of lame.)
Divine Eye. (An eye. It doesn't appear too divine.)
Money Drawing. (A bag of coins and a stack of dollar bills, all being "drawn" - get it? get it? - to a magnet.)
Peace. (A dove flying near a house).
I'll give you a moment to take this all in.
So I'm thinking that I've just found a can of all purpose spray that will be life changing. I'm also thinking that it's probably from the 1950's, or from Japan, or something. But no. It comes from the year 2004, from the good ol' USA.
So I sprayed it, and of course it stunk up the room. For some reason I thought a dove would come in through my window with a bag of money and then I would take that money and conquer the world. Instead I found only one truth from the 7 items the can promised it would bring. This would be the photo of the woman shooting laser beams out of her eye which hits a man begging for mercy. Because I'd be begging for mercy too if someone sprayed this in my presence.
As the days went on, I discovered it does serve a greater purpose. It's a great conversation starter.
Monday, March 30, 2009
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